Talk To Them In Your Heart.

   Sometimes being a deacon has its draw backs, they are not all bad though. It has been a little over a month and a half since my sister Lynn passed away, and I really don't feel I have been able to grieve properly. I miss her dearly, but with working and trying to take care of her things that as her guardian I need to do, I haven't had the time to just sit down and think.

   The grieve counselors from the hospice place have called a few times while I was at work and I guess I really need to just talk with someone, but everything they have scheduled is on a day that I work. I am greatful that I have my brother and sister in law to talk to and that I have a spiritual director, whom I haven't been able to see yet, but there seems to be something missing. 

   I guess it is different when as a deacon I am asked to talk with others who are going through a loss of a loved one, or to explain to children about death. But it is harder to do when you yourself are trying to grieve. 

   At the funeral home my daughter gave my youngest grandson to me and told me that he had a lot of questions for me. He asked if he could see Aunt Lynn and I said sure so we went up front to where she laid in the casket. He asked if he could talk to her and I said sure. Then the question I knew was coming, "Why doesn't she talk back to me? Doesn't she like me anymore?" 

   Not going though the whole conversation I told him that she still loved him very much but could not talk to him the way she used to because she went to heaven and that it was just her body still here. 

   He asked then how could he still talk to her and would she still hear him. I told him he could talk to her in his mind and in his heart and if God willed it she would hear him. And if he listened very closely he might hear her speaking to him in his heart. 

   This seemed to satisfy him as he gave me a hug and wanted to go down and go back by his mom. I guess it really didn't make an impact on me until the next day at the funeral Mass. 

   My daughter told later that while they were sitting in the bench at church she seen Matthew with his head down and seemed to be talking about something. When she questioned him as to what he was doing he replied, " I am talking to Aunt Lynn in my heart."