I Surrender It All

   Yesterday my wife Joan and I took my sister Lynn by Aunt Betty to have her hair done. It was the first time I have seen her smile for many months.

   Lynn has severe downs syndrome and lived with my mother until she passed away in 2005. I have been Lynn's legal guardian since 2002.At the time of my mother's death Lynn came to live with us. Between the two if us, our son Craig and other members of our family we were able the continue to have Lynn stay in our home and go to the ASPIRO Shelter where she worked during the week days. In 2010 she had a stroke and began to show signs of dementia. As her primary caregivers it began to take the toll on us because of the increased care she needed. She needed 24 hour care and because we both worked and Craig was leaving for college, we had to make the rough decision of having to find a care facility to meet her needs.

   Lynn's appointed county social worker said there was no place nearby that could handle her case and I prayed for months that one close by could be found. Lynn suffered another stroke late in 2010 and caring for her at home became even more difficult. In December of that year, my prayers for Lynn were answered as a home opened up about four miles from our house that specialized in caring for the things that Lynn needed. To this day it still hurts that we had to do this, but many people supported us in our decision. Even so she is my sister and I promised my mother I would take care of her and that is what hurt the most..I laughed and cried when she would tell me in her own language, "You go home I stay here" and I would tell her "you behave because I pay your bills" and she would laugh. We are still able to see her several times a week and are free to take her out for family doings.

   But this is not the reason I write about Lynn today. The biggest reason is because it is hard for me to understand why God would allow her to suffer this much for so long. That is until I came upon a prayer by St. Ignatius Loyola that helps me to make sense of  my sister's life. I would like to share it with you. It is called Dedication to Jesus and it goes like this.

   Lord Jesus Christ, take all my freedom, and my memory, my understanding and my will. All that I have and cherish you have given me. I surrender it all to be guided by your will. Your love and grace are wealth enough for me. Give me these, Lord Jesus and I ask for nothing more. Amen.

   This is how my sister has been living her life from the time she was born. In total submission to the Lord's will. And I have learned so much from her, how to live simply, to not judge others, to love freely and without condition. To give hugs to everyone you meet, to laugh at things that don't even seem funny. To trust others, to help in any way that you are capable.

   Lynn's health has been slowly deteriorating and the dementia is taking it's toll. I miss the laughter, the silly dancing, The pointing at something to make me look and then her saying April Fool no matter what time of the year it happen to be. It is being replaced by the blank stares and sleeping most of the day.

   So to see even a small smile, or that little glimpse of recognition in her eyes when see remembers, is such a joy to me. I love you sis and I always will. I will be there for you until the Lord sees fit to call you home to him.